I've been looking lots and then I thought maybe I wasn't supposed to have one. I could keep my falchion and try to make it glow. I mentioned it to Tus and he offerred to sell me a scroll but then I found a bunch of glowing crystals. So I went to ask the machine people what they thought about it.

They listened to what I had to say like they always do, and I gave them time to think about it. Then I waited for their answer. They don't think it's a good idea. They even said it was a silly one and that I should go pray and everything. I'm not sure why the prayer part, but I went to Branishor and the temple and everything. I'll keep looking though, they said I should.

I was in the inn a while ago and someone was there doing that eye thing - crying. They were doing it in front of everyone. Lion says people who get real sad will do that, and I konw they do it when they get hurt, but I didn't think sad was a hurt too. I guess it is because they were doing it. But it lets people konw they're weak and prey, so I don't understand doing it where everyone can see.

Someone asked them why and they said it was because their bonded was gone on a trip. I don't understand. It's a forever so why does it matter if the other person is there or not? They're be back. Forever means that. Sad makes sense, but not crying I don't think. Maybe it does. I'll ask.

The market is awful stange lately. I don't think it's making alot of sense. Some things are being sold for lots more coin then they were before and others things are selling for about the same or less. And some of those free books are selling again. I remember Cordelia talking about that and other prices. I wonder if she watches the market too?

I was gone for awhile, but it's nice to be back. Home. It's a funny word. But I think I like knowing I can use it. I missed lots of things while I was gone, but now I don't have to anymore.

When I got back I spoke with Eagle and then with Wyf and apologized for not being there. They both said it was okay, so I'm glad. Lots of people were probably there.

I kept seeing Ansalan out in the quiet dark desert and I finally talked to him about it. She gave me three and I gave him one. I hope it helped. He shouldn't stay like that, no one should. I didn't know that before but now I do. I'll check in later if I have to. She wouldn't want him to be like he is now and I told him so. He acted kind of funny at the time, but I hope it helps.

Darias is happier because Tus is okay. That seems strange. She was worried she did something but he says she didn't but she's still worried she did. And she says she misses Seragil but she should have known he wouldn't let himself get hit by things even if he is her sponsor. It's all very strange. But she seems better now and Tus says he's fine. But Seragil isn't around right now. Then again, if Darias was throwing things at me I wouldn't be around either.

I found another one so I'm getting closer. Not very close and I'm closer to the beginning then the end but it's something so I'm happy. The others are all fine even if I keep finding more of them. Lion saw to that. And the machine people give me things too so that's nice. I should bring them something I haven't brought them before. I wonder if they'd like ant legs. I could ask them, but they haven't said anything to me yet and might not even now.

It took him a while too, so that's okay. I know he's fine where ever he is, but I still wish he was here instead of where ever that might be. Maybe Will knows.

I haven't seen Will in a while either. I thought I did, but it must have just been tracks since he didn't answer. He probably got back from a trip and was resting. Or maybe I've been in the desert too long and thought I saw the tracks. People say they see things if they're in the desert too long. But I don't think I did.

Hopefully I'll get to see Will soon and Zyanna and others too. Tracks are nice but they're not the same.

The quiet dark desert is hot, very hot. I've brought lots of water and other things to drink so I'll be okay. I think I'll be there awhile. I leave to go home and sometimes to talk to people. It's nice to have people to talk to. But I like being able to be alone too.

I saw Ansalan again. He says he's been out there a whole year. I didn't get to ask him why or if he ever leaves. Maybe I will next time I see him. He says he has a pack full of korunga and water so he's fine, but maybe I'll bring him something else. Maybe he's tired of eating so many korunga.

I've been talking with lots of people, but the ones I want to talk to are busy much of the time and I don't want to bother them. Maybe times will be right again sometime. That would be nice. Eagle is getting bonded soon, but I don't know what I can get her. You're supposed to get people things I found out. I just don't know what.

I can't be there. I wish I could.

I can't work on it when I'm in the desert so I've been doing some at home and at the inn. I hope it turns out okay. If it doesn't, I just take it apart and start a new piece. I hope I don't have to. It feels like it will be okay, sometimes that just happens and you know it will be fine. But sometimes you think one thing and another thing happens.

I guess I'll rest now and search more another time.

It adds weight and could slow me down if I needed to go quickly, but even though I keep pulling the glowing rock out of my belt pouch to leave it to light my house, I don't. It's familiar and I never know when I might need the extra light.

It's comforting in the hand too. I don't always have the time and space to tat and it fills my hand with light and memories. Some memories are good to have. I didn't really believe that until I came here. My first language lesson looking over the balcony, Talon taking me to the temple. Eagle giving me the quill, slipping into the rogue tunnels for the first time, going on a picnic. I wonder if it's possible to have too many memories and what happens to the ones that get squashed down on the bottom. Do they go away forever or can they be found again? Can we choose?

New guilds are starting and others have left. Some left empty halls behind. I wonder if the halls remember them.

Lion and Daisy are bonded and things seem to be settling down. It was a rollicking beforehand as I think Lam would say. Quieter now. There was a party for them but I couldn't go. Even if I could have I don't know how long I would have stayed. I thought I was getting better with people but Harukan and Shia asked me to open a box and I could barely stay around afterward. The quiet dark was much better.

I'll keep trying though. Sometimes groups are fun to be around too. I just need to remember that.

Darias is a rogue now. I'm glad she's happy with her choice. He'd hate for me to say it but I knew Seragil would be a good sponsor. I just didn't know who she would choose. I guess lots of people gave her some names.

And I have a new dagger. Will and Wyf gave it to me.

Since I don't know where to start I think I'll just try to put everything down at once. Maybe that will help.

I found out that there's better armor so I went and took what I'd been storing out of the bank and sold it so I could get better stuff. I'd rather know now, and it seems tougher and all so that's good.

There are places I hadn't known about before so I went looking. There were birds and jelly fish and all kinds of creatures. I wish I could fly like the gulls. I could go up high and look and see where ships go and when they come. That would be nice to do. And it would be different from that cannon some people like. I could choose where to go and when to come down. I'd like that. I'd like to see ships coming back.

Eagle gave me a quill and I'm using it now. It works better thn the one from the undead birds. So that's good too.

I went to the quiet dark Fartown and don't like it very much. Nothing bothered me cause I snuck around alot, but I still don't like it. It feels wrong. It's different from the other quiet darks, but I don't know why.

Near my house there's a swamp and I've been looking around it. It smells and sometimes fire happens, but it's kind of pretty. I found sewers too. I've been exploring them a bit more but I don't know. I like the swamp and plains better I think.

Darias is going to the temple soon. Seragil is taking her. I think they're getting along and that's good too. She's met Tus and sometimes she likes to be called Dari. I need to remember that.

I guess I need to write about what I don't want to, because I'm not sure what to put down. Everyone in the inn was all loud and yelling the other day. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. If I left, some things might not have been said. So I said them but I'm sad I had to. I hope soon those words won't need to be said anymore.

Eagle came in and was all fierce. I'm glad. But some people were saying things they believe, and shouldn't they be able to? It gets confusing. Sometimes people say to talk about what you're thinking other times they say you shouldn't. How do you know when you're supposed to talk and when not?

Before he left to go the the BigUns one of my brothers said nothing is as bad as not knowing. Maybe sometimes knowing is as bad. Daisy looked sad when we talked, I think she's better now. But I still don't know.

I've taken some time to think about stuff lately and balance what Zyanna said with what Will said. I think both are right.

I didn't think a ceremony was needed because all the right words were already said. I guess he wanted it because it made it seem more real. I don't know about the real part but it was very nice. Fleur found good words to say. Words that weren't too busy or tricksy. They were good words even if some might have been scary. And we found our own too. And there weren't people there except for someone who came in and left.

Afterwards we rested for a while and when I woke up and went to the inn, noone was around except for some youngsters. Eagle sent me a message saying things were going on with Cordelia in Fartown and I could come see, but I told her I had to stay talk with the new ones since no one else was around. She said she'd keep me informed.

After a while more knowledgeable people showed up and I went out to Fartown to see what was going on. There were so many people! But I knew some of them so I stayed. There was a big hole in the ground and Cordelia said we should go down it. Everyone seemed to run down it at once. After a bit in the large room I left because it was too crowded.

Then people came back up and started to leave. Cordelia said she was going to the Fortress. I hope she got some rest. She looked very tired. It must be sad for her everyone looks at her differently now and talks about her differently too. I hope she finds a way to be happy.

Lots has been going on. Cordelia was the heir everyone was looking for and then she got lost or something and now she's found and I have to remember that even though she said to call her Cordelia now it should be Your Majesty. Eagle told me that when I asked her.

Everyone seems happier now. But why did the Holy Big Uns and the Knights yell at each other before? Why would a secret be kept from those who talk to the Gods and all? I don't think that's something I can understand. Maybe Lion or Eagle could explain it but I don't think I want to ask them. They might use really busy words and not say something but sound like they did. I don't want that to happen.

Will talked to Fleur and I needed to find something for her. I asked Lion but he wasn't sure. I thought of bursters because they're nice to have around. He said a grazer cloak wasn't nice enough. I like mine. But when I went to get bursters I found something better. I hope she likes it. Will's happy and that's good.

Darias is thinking of becoming a rogue and I gave her the name of some good people for sponsors. She's going to research them and everything. I think she's collecting names from lots of people.

Lion and Daisy are happy and that's good. I'm glad. Daisy was training when I spoke to her last. Wolf is an Iron Knight now and Tus got his weapon. So did Alanna. I guess that portal runs around all of Valorn waiting for people to catch it. I wonder if it ever gets tired.

I wish he was around so I could talk about all the thoughts I've been having about things. But he isn't so I'll just hold onto them until he comes back. Talking with him makes things make more sense.

He was wrong. I didn't think they could make mistakes, but they can. And this is one. I came after she sounded like things weren't going well. I thought being alone to talk would be good. She had been concerned to go off and I told her to. I think I was wrong too.

People change. I don't think I am the same person I was when I first found my way here. I'm still me, but what I choose to do is different. The way I look at things change too. It's the same with her.

If words do so many things here, why couldn't that get explained? I don't think there was listening happening, or maybe the words weren't right.

Maybe training will make things make more sense, but I don't know. But I know one thing - he was wrong.

And I don't know what I can do but remember that. Even they make mistakes.

It took awhile but I finished the last knot today. Now I just have to wait to see her. Over that fall festival Kaballoi was dressed as a death bunny. Now that I've seen one close up, I understand why she got upset when people acted like she was harmless. They're not. But I like them. Some of the other creatures here aren't as nice. But Tus says he like hunting here.

Going to have to start a new piece soon. I like having something to do with my hands. I need to decide what I want to make and all. If I don't know it doesn't turn out too good. I don't know if they wear any but maybe Eagle would like some. I'll ask her.

People told me there were some earth shakes lately but I haven't felt any. I hope I don't. I don't think I want the ground opening up. It doesn't sound like a good thing.

They talked about unity and all. But if we all fight the bad things, aren't we unified? I don't understand how people aren't together if they fight the same enemies. Wyf and Zyanna talked about it a bit near the castle, but I don't think I really understood.

Lots has been going on. Jimmy said the ground wasn't safe, but I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't think I can stay off of it. That was after the Big Ones came to speak in Milltown square. There were lots of people after awhile but I stayed to listen. I even asked a question or two and no one laughed.

Ground does lots of things. Level ground isn't just what you stand on it means something is fair to. Being grounded means being okay and solid I guess. But we have to stand on something too.

Hair raising means startling or scary. Eagle told me that. I hadn't thought about it before, but it's an nice word. I guess all the things going on lately are hair-raising.

Just as I was writing, Meteor trained again. Soon he'll be looking for that portal too. I hope he finds it easily. He asked me who I was going to watch over now that I don't need to do that for Lion anymore. I tried to explain that I had been asked to watch over Lion but I don't know if I explained it well. But I checked, and she'll watch over him. She said to ask him first and I did, so it's done now.

I'm almost done with what I've been working on for Kaballoi. I hope it turns out well. I used some of the things she got me. I didn't want it too bright because it might give her away. And that would be bad. Especially now.

Things get awfully confusing here. Daisy said she needed to go away then Lion started looking for her and she didn't want to be found. Then she was found and seems happy to be found. Lion is happier too, so that's good. I tried to tell her she was doing a better job watching out for him and all and that Haleth should have talked to her but she didn't agree. It doesn't matter though.

Talon came back from his wanderings and we sat in the inn and talked for marcs and marcs. It was good to see him again. I told him about my house and he said it was mine too. Lion was there and he continued talking about how he didn't think it was a good place to be. But it's mine and noone really goes there so what's bad about it? I gave Talon a cloak and I think he liked it. He's not in a guild either, I wonder if people ask him about why as much as they seem to ask me. I think Will liked the house though too. Maybe I'll ask him.

I spoke with Atia and she says fall means lose to as well as drop. Lots and lots of busy words. It's getting to be fun to find their different meanings. I wonder if new ones happen. How do words come about? He would know I think. He wouldn't have been as dumb in the inn either.

Atia was talking about how people want certain answers to their questions. I don't understand that. If you know the answer you want, why ask the question in the first place? Unless you're teaching of course. Maybe that's what was going on. Teaching. And Skylsganin and I were talking. He said I needed a bath. I guess I'll take some water to my house and clean up there where it's safe.

I asked Eagle about the questions thing and she started laffing at me. That's what it seemed like. It wasn't though. But I thought it was and that was dumb of me. I need to figure out how to get smarter.

I left to go to my house to sleep and Zyanna and Ashram both seem concerned. They weren't there so they didn't know I was being stupid. I need to let them know.

I wandered around quiet and dark Dundee and went into the sewers. I don't think I'll go back for a while. There are creatures I can't fight real well yet. Maybe one day.